The best bridges in Pittsburgh ranked on a scale of Simon Girty (a real tyrannical asshole) to Mr. Rodgers (a national treasure).

March 1, 2018

 10.) The Bloomfield Bridge: The Bloomfield Bridge is the Simon Girty of Pittsburgh bridges. Simon Girty was an American colonial of Scots-Irish birth who served as a liaison between the British and their Indian allies during the American Revolution. He was tried for treason and was viewed as a traitor to his country. This is a really dramatic way to describe a bridge but the Bloomfield Bridge has few redeeming qualities. It lacks any kind of view of the city, is more of an overpass than a bridge if you ask me, and is just absolutely littered with potholes in the winter time. Now that the Bloomfield Bridge tavern is closed there isn’t even a pot of gold at the end of this dull rainbow. 1/10. Take a different commute to work.

 

9.) Grays Bridge in Homestead: The John Tiernan of bridges. John Tiernan was the last person publicly executed in Allegheny County.  He was charged with and convicted of brutally murdering a co-worker.  On March 25, 1818, Tiernan was transported by cart from the jail.  A large crowd followed him to the gallows on Fourth Street. Again, dramatic, but the Homestead Bridge just isn’t much to look at. It is a glorified overpass that overlooks a great big shopping center. No thanks.

 

8.) The South 10th Street Bridge: the 10th street Bridge, though it has a great view, also has loads of potholes, is always under construction and has one of the most confusing exits when entering the city. People are often reckless about their exit strategies and that is not fun for a nervous driver like myself. That is why the South 10th street Bridge is the "guys who might be a serial killer that keeps killing young college students" like Paul Kochu and Dakota James. The stories fascinate me but are also equally terrifying and horrific. This bridge is a horrendous excuse for a liaison between the south side and downtown but also intrigues me somehow.

 

7.) The Fort Pitt Bridge is the Ben Roethlisberger of Bridges. It’s got a great view and it is a necessary route for people that live on the west end of town, but the traffic on that bridge at 5:00 pm is enough to make someone never want to leave the house again. Also, you have exactly 25 seconds to merge 4 lanes on a high trafficked area. Its stressful to say the least. Roethlisberger is a lot like this bridge; He’s a great player, but he might be a rapist, so does it really matter how necessary he is? Probably not.

 

6.) The McKees Rocks Bridge is the Zachary Quinto of the Pittsburgh Bridges. Zachary Quinto is an amazing actor from Pittsburgh in hits like Star Trek and American Horror Story. He is a great actor and a decent singer. He’s a gem, but he’s often overlooked, much like this bridge; It’s really cool, because it’s kind of two bridges in one, however, you can probably live without it.

 

5.) The Liberty Bridge is the Jon Jaso here. Jaso is a baseball player for the Pittsburgh Pirates. I was lucky enough to meet Jaso when I worked in the Pittsburgh restaurant scene, and he’s a super sweet guy, a great tipper, and very polite. His playing however is inconsistent, sometimes he’s on fire, (just like the bridge) and sometimes he’s under construction.  He’s a real team player though.

 

 

4.) The Roberto Clemente Bridge: (Forgive me, this is going to be confusing for a moment.)  For some reason people jump off of the Roberto Clemente Bridge, which makes this the Andy Warhol of Bridges; very eccentric, often covered in colorful lights, and it has a beautiful view, but is often closed down on Pirate’s game days.

 

 

3.) The Andy Warhol Bridge: The Warhol is the Michael Keaton of bridges. It is beautiful and gold in color and Keaton has a golden globe. It’s the sister bridge to the Clemente, but always has less traffic somehow, unless of course the Clemente is closed for the day.  

 

2.) The Hot Metal Street Bridge is the hot dinosaur man, Jeff Goldblum of bridges. a beautiful distant view and a very useful bike trail. People often forget about it, just like they forget Goldblum is a Pittsburgh native, but they are both beautiful to look at if nothing else.

 

1.) Finally the Mr. Rodgers of Pittsburgh Bridges is none other than the West End Bridge. I truly believe that this is the most perfect view of Pittsburgh, staring right down the center of the point, it offers a view of Pittsburgh that shows all 3 rivers and both the south and north sides of the city. It’s one of the oldest bridges but it’s the O.G. for sure.

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